Chapter 8
SOUL MAIL: Connection with the Divine, Self and Others
The physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual challenges and pain I experienced over the years, taught me that there is a great healing potential within me and all people. As I learned more about holistic forms of healing, the visual journaling process I had been doing also transformed. When writing in a daily journal, my focus shifted onto the presence of beauty, wellness, and gratitude. I came to understand that growing and healing calls for a deep partnership and two-way communication with our divine Creator. Instead of interpreting the visual images that I was creating, I learned to see them as divine gifts. I simply allowed them to speak to me and received the beautiful poetic words as messages from the divine voice within me. I was inspired to call them SOUL MAIL because they were a message from my soul.
I was realizing that creative healing power was within me. I could sit peacefully with darkness, allow it to transform into light and beauty, and be in communion with the divine Creator of life. This was the beginning of SOUL MAIL as a creative, spiritual process that was an integral part of my well-being. It was the flame inside of me meant to be shared to inspire others in accessing their own inner guidance.
Reflecting on my experiences with people over the years, I remembered how important it was to them connecting with meaningful activities in their lives and feeling respected and valued as a whole person. When we shared our true selves and learned from each other, these were the most fulfilling partnerships. In 2007, I once again stepped outside the box into a new role as a community-based life coach with the Florida Self-Directed Care Program. This position came in perfect timing. It was one of my best experiences of working with like-minded people as a team. Yet, it also allowed me time to continue exploring my role as a community-based art teacher and further developing the creation of SOUL MAIL.
As a life coach for people dealing with mental, emotional and physical illnesses, I needed to let go of trying to fix things and solve other people’s problems. Instead it required me to become more empowered myself through my connection with my soul and our divine Creator. In turn I could then find ways to support others to become more connected with their true self and the divine. I discovered that when I shared SOUL MAIL cards with others, it often touched their hearts. It seemed to speak to them in a soulful way no matter what spiritual traditions they embraced.
The challenges of adulthood proved to be opportunities to practice and develop the strength, courage, forgiveness, steadfast love and wisdom I would require as I approached elder-hood. As I entered my elder years I was taken to a new level of life challenges and blessings. This part of my life took me through a challenging time in human history called the covid 19 pandemic. (I purposefully chose not to capitalize covid because I refused to give it power!) It began with one of my most challenging experiences in July of 2019. After 37 years of marriage with my dear husband Tony and caring for him through 4 ½ years of stage 4 cancer, he died in hospice near our home in Fort Myers, Florida. He was blessed to be surrounded by the love of his son, daughter and son-in-law, myself and friends during the last week of his life.
We had planned to be attending our family reunion hosted by his sister Pat and her family in Sacramento, California during this time. So most of our family was on the other side of the country during his last days. Therefore, I spent the next few months coordinating three celebrations of life for family and friends in his hometowns of Kansas City and Salina, Kansas, in addition to our home for the past 20 years in Fort Myers. I was grateful for my family, friends, and coworkers supporting me to accomplish this while I continued healing my grief and working full-time.
After experiencing a dizzy spell at home, I fell and hit my head on a dresser and received stitches for the cut to my head. I decided that I needed and desired to be closer to my family. So, I prepared our home for sale and sold it just before the end of the year. I packed only what I needed to make the long move to Texas where our children lived. After 12 years of working as a community-based life coach, I left one of my best yet most challenging jobs. I made the transition to Texas, arriving just in time to celebrate my birthday with my daughter Tiffany and her husband Shea near the beginning of 2020. My intention over the next year was to take time to heal and create a new home for myself. Tiffany and Shea graciously invited me to stay temporarily in the guest room of their home.
I discovered Tony had previously made arrangements for a surprise trip for us, bless his heart. It was like a parting gift and I invited his sister Jackie to go with me in his place. We celebrated his life as we viewed the beautiful Rocky Mountains that he and I loved. Our trip was cut short by the start of what would quickly become a worldwide pandemic. I returned to Texas to start my first quarantine. Tiffany was pregnant with our first grandchild, so quarantining was extremely important for protecting her and the baby. I decided this time of quarantine isolation was an opportunity for me to connect soulfully with family and friends across the country. So I began by sending out SOUL MAIL messages during the pandemic via email and Facebook.
I created hundreds of SOUL MAIL messages over the years. Out of them, I selected one each day of the quarantine that addressed my firsthand daily experiences. They seemed to come alive and spoke to me and my family and friends in the present as we faced our current challenges. My intention was to connect with others, bring inspiration and encouragement, and get us soulfully through the challenges of a 15 day quarantine which many of us faced. Perhaps the quarantine we experienced was symbolic of any alone and dark times we experience in our lives.
Having gotten through the quarantine successfully, I now faced the even larger challenge of pandemic conditions. It was a time of great uncertainty not knowing how long the pandemic would last or where we were actually heading. I began sending out weekly Sunday SOUL MAIL messages. I had hundreds of them that once again came to life, and re-energized and guided me. SOUL MAIL became a bridge to loved ones far away and allowed me to be a messenger of peace for others in a very turbulent world. My family and friends continued asking powerful questions, dealing with the happenings and traumatic events along the way, and staying connected as a band of traveling souls. My graduate college friends came together across the country via monthly zoom meetings thanks to the leadership of our classmate and friend Dr. Ann Stuart, occupational therapy professor at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, PA.
The pandemic itself was enough to raise anyone’s stress to a dangerous level. At the same time, I was still processing my grief over Tony’s death, exploring how to find a home for myself and establishing a new community of like-minded friends in Texas. In addition, I was learning how to deal with Medicare and live on survivor’s benefits. I needed to build a new team of health professionals to assist me with new health issues including anemia with a potentially precancerous condition of a polyp in my esophagus, sinus infections with nasal polyps, tinnitus in my left ear, heavy metal toxicity, cracking molars from teeth crowding and misalignment, and a worsening of osteoporosis diagnosed 4 years previously. I also needed to deal with the caregiver and health issues of my mother who still wanted to live independently in her own home into her 90’s. Whew! Stepping into elder-hood was definitely a feat requiring great strength, courage, forgiveness, wisdom and love!
The SOUL MAIL laminated bookmarks I handmade were a blessing at this time. They gave me a way to interact and connect with all the new people I was meeting. They were also a well-deserved gift I could share with essential workers to express my gratitude for their efforts during the pandemic and to encourage them.
SOUL MAIL laminated bookmarks adorned with satin ribbons, glass beads and charms
In the middle of all of this were some of the greatest blessings of my life. Our daughter gave birth to our grandson and two years later his twin brothers. After searching I found just the condo home I needed nearby in our daugher’s community. Other blessings were opportunities to engage with the children and adults in my new neighborhood and introduce them to art classes in nature using watercolor crayons. I began riding the bike my son and daugther gifted me to our community farmer’s market and the tennis courts. I found ways to create a circle of yoga and tennis friends and continued playing the game of tennis which always starts at Love-Love.
Community Art Table under the Magnolia Tree
Riding my bike to the market
New tennis friends
I had spent much of my adult years caring for other people. The pandemic was my time to learn how to love and care for myself at a deeper level. If I did not, I may not have survived it. It required me to make some of my most difficult choices. I had to say ‘no thank you’ to doctors who only offered me surgery and medications to stop symptoms without getting to the root cause of problems, and instead try more natural and holistic means of healing.
It was a lot more work to research alternatives, get second opinions, change my diet, buy foods from local organic farmers, eliminate exposure to toxic chemicals in my environment, and establish a healthy exercise and sleep routine. I worked with a physical therapist, chiropractor, massage therapist, yoga teachers and Reiki therapist/shaman. They helped me to get me back into playing tennis and being able to lift, care for, and play with my grandsons safely without pain. I also had to do things to strengthen my mind, emotions, and spirit like eliminating toxic thoughts, continuing meditation, creating more SOUL MAIL, expressing emotions in a healthy way, establishing new friendships with like-minded people, and reading the books of wise, inspiring authors. I strengthened my connection with the earth using grounding mats during sleep and grounding shoes during the day. I continued to honor Mother nature and all the living beings coming to me each day. And I shared SOUL MAIL cards to bring connection with other people.
With more plant-based, whole foods dietary changes, exercise and better sleep positioning, the precancerous polyp in my esophagus disappeared without any surgery or medications and my iron levels returned to normal. I found ways to get my body to absorb calcium more effectively without the use of any osteoporosis medications and my bone density testing gradually started to improve. I got relief to my sinuses without any medications or surgical removal of the polyps which decreased significantly in size. I had all the toxic metal fillings in my mouth removed and started the process of clear aligners to realign my teeth and prevent them from cracking. I got a water filter pitcher recommended by the Environmental Work Group to eliminate drinking water toxins. My daughter gifted me with a water filter to attach to my showerhead to remove toxins and a cotton weighted blanket for my bed to promote better sleep. I brought snake plants into my home to purify the air. I changed my wardrobe to natural materials like cotton.
My focus and outlook changed to going forward with a sense of well-being. I am grateful for being able to age gracefully with joy, peace and love in a diverse, supportive community despite the challenges we are facing today. My roles with my family, friends, and community-based art activities have become better balanced with my own self-care and needs. I am better able to stand up for myself and loved ones with courage because I know I am a being of love, compassion and light. I am enjoying this ride of life more and realize my joy comes from within and the awareness of the beauty of creation around me. I have become better able to share my gifts and love with others and in a much better place to bring beauty, joy, light and love to the world.
Susan’s son Sean displays SOUL MAIL as a gift to those passing by.
Writing my story in a journal continues to help me to see life as a whole. With each chapter I understand more of how my experiences are still working together to unfold more of who I truly am and who and what I love. I have affirmed that I am an eternal spiritual being on an earthly journey with a divine purpose to share with others in service. Continuing to create and share SOUL MAIL with others has allowed me to bring inspiration, encouragement and hope in the present moment. I am better able to bring light to whatever darkness we have to face and gratitude to every blessing we encounter. Remembering to see the vision of beauty within and listen to the wisdom and truth of my true self is a life long process.
I am reminded that the lotus bulb works its way through the murky water to blossom into flower. And the caterpillar transforms out of the dark chrysalis to emerge as a butterfly. I believe we are also growing through our experiences and evolving toward our most creative, loving, and authentic selves. May we all continue to transform in loving ways with the help of each other, our loving Creator, and the spirit of transformation.
The story of life is a neverending story. There will be more chapters to come.
